oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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