In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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