We're facebook friends in real life
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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