Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
