i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
