That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
