Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm always down for nudity.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
