i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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