I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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