I didn't shave. On purpose
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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