Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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