used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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