I wish I only lived at night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
