I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize