i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize