i can't believe i had my finger in that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
