Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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