I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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