How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize