Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
