ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
