I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
