He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
