I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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