I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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