Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
