u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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