she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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