Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
