oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
