I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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