I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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