I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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