How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
