He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
