Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
