What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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