took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
