Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
