I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
