Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am naked and annoyed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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