Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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