his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
