I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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