Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
