dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The Olympian is in my bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
