I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
