why do cheetos always look like penises
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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