Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry my hands just texted you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
