i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
