Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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