Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
