Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
