I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize