First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
