I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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