my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
