I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
