id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
