I CAN MOONWALK!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
