Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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