The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
