I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize