I swear she didn't look like that last week.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
