I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jerry, you need to find god
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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