there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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