he was CRYING into my vagina
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
