Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My balls are so social today.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
