The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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