you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
