i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
