Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
