i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
