oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
