Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
