he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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