My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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