my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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