So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
