Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
