And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
